


Inevitable

by mmerainbows



Category: Glee
Genre: Headcanon, M/M, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 18:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmerainbows/pseuds/mmerainbows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon to S4, but filler for what I would have liked to see actually happen regarding Blaine's cheating.</p><p>Kurt thought he had reached the point where he could forgive Blaine, and move on with his own life, keeping Blaine as his best friend and nothing more. However, when the truth comes out about what happened, Kurt returns to Blaine to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inevitable

“Rachel?  Are you kidding me?  That dress is absolutely hideous.  I thought we had idiot proofed your wardrobe.  Where on earth did you get that?” Kurt demanded, staring at Rachel from where he had been reading a textbook at their kitchen table in their Bushwick loft.  The poor brunette girl before him was wearing a dress that looked like someone had vomited all over her and then threw glitter at her.

“Oh come on Kurt!  It’s eclectic!” She twirled in place, the atrocity on her slender frame ballooning out in a not-so-flattering way.

“No.  Eclectic is not a word you are allowed to use on your clothing Rachel.  Repugnant, macabre, ghastly?  Now those are words you can use for that.... thing.”  Kurt was using his pencil to point at the dress, the disgust evident in his face.

“Oh Lady Face, if Rachel wants to wear an outfit that reflects her lack of talent and style, then that’s her business.” Santana chimed in, walking past them both towards the refrigerator which she started rummaging through.

“I think you are both just woefully jealous of me.” Rachel huffed, though the glint in her eyes told Kurt she didn’t believe a word she had said.  He knew her well enough to know that when she put on airs of confidence, the opposite was actually true.

“Jealous of your ability to pack weight on your butt or jealous about your descending hairline?” Santana mused, kicking the fridge closed as she turned and peeled the lid off a yogurt container.

“Santana.  Don’t be rude about it!” Kurt turned to his other roommate, and, honestly, he thought living with Finn was bad back in Lima.  Living with two female diva’s was insane most days.

“Oh, like you were being nice about it?” Rachel cut in, turning on her heels and taking herself, and her ugly dress, out of the room.  

Kurt side eyed Santana with his best bitch face, who just shrugged in response.  “What?”

“I was just commenting on the dress.  Why do you have to insult everything else about her?” Kurt snapped.  He was used to Santana’s general nastiness, but felt that not calling her on it might give her the impression that what she did was alright.

Santana shrugged again, spooning yogurt onto her finger and sucking it off from there instead of bothering with a spoon.  “It’s what I do.  By the way, how’s it going with the guy from down under?”

Kurt rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his textbook as he responded.  “He’s from England, and it’s fine.”

“Haven’t seen any used condoms in the garbage so that either means you haven’t done the nasty with him here, or you went to his place, OR, you’re just really that dirty.” Santana winked, sliding into a seat at the table.

Kurt groaned and dropped his head down onto the book, mumbling into the pages, “Not that’s it’s any of your business Santana, but no, we haven’t engaged in any of those kind of extracurricular activities.”

“Ooo.. is that what you call it.  Kinky.”  She waggled her eyebrows at Kurt who lifted his head back up and was about to go back to reading when again he was interrupted by the saucy latina.

“So why haven’t you sausaged his buns yet?”

Somehow the innuendo was less appealing than the actual act, and Kurt looked at Santana incredulously, who immediately began talking again.

“Oh that’s right.  You don’t like that kind of meat.  You like the kind that comes served up with a first name Blaine and last name Anderson.”

“Santana!”  Kurt exclaimed in exasperation.  “Blaine and I are just friends now.  He cheated on me.  I can’t trust him.”

“But you still love him.”

“Yes.”  Kurt looked down.  “I do.  But he cheated on me and that’s a dealbreaker.  End. Of. Story.”

Santana shrugged and wordlessly, which actually spoke volumes about how much she disagreed with what he had said, got up and walked to the TV, switching it onto a court reality show.

Kurt sighed and went back to reading about the different styles and periods of acting, and the theories about their function and quality.  Textbook courses in a drama based school were absolutely ridiculous, but still required.  Maybe it was to make sure that NYADA students could read a script.  Whatever the reason, Kurt had admit that this was more useless than all the higher level math he took in high school.  

He finished the reading and looked at the assignment.

Write a 1000 word response to the following: To what extent do you agree with the use of Freytag’s analysis in contemporary drama?

Kurt groaned and looked to his phone, seeking a distraction before he spent the night writing several pages worth of bullshit to appease his professor.  He shot a text off.

Hey Blaine.  What’s the assignment for Glee this week?

Within a minute his phone buzzed with a response.

 

**Mr. Schuester hasn’t given it yet.  Still too early.  How are you?**

Alright.  Working on schoolwork.  Don’t ever think that calculus is useless again.  Compared to some of the stuff I’m doing, it’s brilliant.

**You know I’d never say calculus is useless.  I love it.**

Right.  I forgot what a big dork you are.

**Hey!  I resemble that remark!**

Can you write an essay for me?

**On calculus?**

No you dork.  On drama.

**Why are you writing an essay about drama?  Isn’t drama about acting?  An essay seems counterproductive.**

Trust me.  I know.  Doesn’t make it any less required for my course.

**Well you could always outwrite me anyhow.  I can’t see how I could help with that.**

I just don’t want to do it.

**Is it a required course?  Am I going to have to do that next year.**

Yes and probably yes.

**Ugh.  Maybe I should just go into finance like my dad wants.**

You’d be a terrible financial manager.

**Why is that?**

You’d be bored.  You have too many talents to waste on counting.

**Again, I actually like math.**

How did I date you so long?

**I’m adorable.**

But you like math.

**I’m still adorable.**

And physics too.

**Still adorable!**

I have a paper to write.

**Have fun!**

 

Kurt chuckled to himself, setting his phone face down on the table so he wouldn’t be as distracted by it, and turned back to the paper assignment.  Blaine was always good for a short, distracting conversation.  He always responded quickly, never leaving Kurt waiting.  Kurt was well aware of how much Blaine still loved him and wanted to be with him, and however much Kurt still loved him back, he couldn’t concede to his heart.  What Blaine had done, he’d never forget, though he might forgive.  Because he couldn’t forget, he wouldn’t be able to trust Blaine and relationships were built on trust.  A romantic relationship with Blaine again wasn’t an option.

 

* * *

 

Blaine smiled to himself and tucked his phone back into his pocket before opening his locker and getting his books for the next class.  He was running late now since he was texting with Kurt.  The hallway was empty as everyone else had long since gone to class, leaving Blaine alone to gather his supplies.  

He missed Kurt terribly, and to say he regretted going to Eli’s house that day was an understatement.  He had never made a poorer choice.  

Texting with Kurt now only served to reinforce his self disgust.  He loved Kurt.  Loved the way he smelled, the way he moved, the way he spoke, the way he always fought to keep his hair in just the right place.... everything.  He still didn’t know how it had happened, how he had found himself in that bed, naked and whoring himself to another boy.  He had only intended to go there for some companionship.  Having sex was never in the cards originally.  He had much more self respect than that.  At least he thought he did.

But it had happened.  For whatever his mind had done to repress the memory, he had the familiar soreness running from the base of his spine into his core afterwards, and he just knew.  He hadn’t ever contacted Eli again after that, and blocked him on facebook to avoid any followup contact.  Blaine wished it was just as easy to block out the knowledge that he had cheated on Kurt, but he was now living with the consequences.  Kurt was no longer his boyfriend, and apparently seeing some guy in New York.  The thought just made Blaine’s heart wrench.

“Get your ass to class!”

Blaine jumped in spot and turned his head to the source of the voice, finding Coach Sylvester down the hall from him and rapidly advancing on his position.  He scurried to get his books out and shut his locker before she made it to him, but was still too slow to avoid ending up face to face with her.

“Why aren’t you in class mustache-less Clark Gable?” She demanded, holding a solitary finger to his face.  Blaine tried not to flinch and hold his ground, knowing that Coach Sylvester thrived on instilling fear in the students.  He had resolved not to show any, aside from the jump he couldn’t be blamed for just a moment before.

“Sorry... had an important call.  I’m on my way now.”

Coach Sylvester tsked and wagged the finger at him, almost grazing his nose with the digit as it was so close to his face.  “Not more important than your education!  Don’t count on your singing and dancing to get you through life Glee kid - and don’t you come late to Cheerios practice either!”

“Yes ma’am.” Blaine responded, trying his best to remain cool and unphased by her closeness, though his heart rate was up and his palms were sweating against his books.

“So... GO!” She ushered, shooing him off.  Blaine turned in spot and walked to his class, breathing a sigh of relief when he turned the corner and was away from her.

Why on earth had he transferred to McKinley?  In Dalton he was respected by everyone, had all the lead vocals, was adored by his teachers, and had Kurt.  He moved here for Kurt, and now Kurt was gone, and so were all the leads, respect, and being anyones teachers pet.  He had friends, sure; Sam had convinced him to stay at McKinley even after Hunter and Sebastian had tempted him with the Dalton blazer, but he still felt more emptiness than completeness.  He had lost a lot of his confidence this past year.

The bell rang, and Blaine looked up at one of the hall clocks as students filed out of classrooms around him.  He had completely lost track of time texting with Kurt, and then daydreaming on his way to class and missed class completely.  He sighed and turned himself around, going back to his locker to swap out textbooks again.  

When he got there, Sam was leaning against the lockers beside his, waiting for him.

“Hey man!”

Blaine put on a smile for Sam as he put in his combination, “Hey.  What’s up?”

“Tina texted and said you weren’t in class.  Where were you?”

Blaine shrugged a little, swapping books.  “Got overly involved in a text conversation with Kurt.”

“It’s not healthy man.”

Blaine shut his locker and looked Sam square in the eyes, “And why not?”

“Because you’re letting yourself be led on.”

Blaine sighed and started walking back down the hall, Sam joining him at the hip since they shared the same class next.  

“You know I’m right.” Sam declared.

Blaine knew.  “Maybe I want to be led on...”

“You’re only going to cause yourself more pain.”

Blaine flinched a little.  He purposely was looking straight ahead and not at Sam as he spoke, not wanting Sam to see the sadness in his eyes.  

“And just because you think you deserve to be hurt after what happened, doesn’t mean you should inflict that pain on yourself.”

“Sam!”  Blaine had had enough, turning on spot and causing students to have to walk around him in the middle of the hallway where he had stopped to look at Sam.  “I can handle myself.  Please, just drop it.”

Sam held up his hands a little, something of a shrug mixed with a surrender, “Sorry.  Was just trying to be a friend.”

Blaine sighed and looked down a moment.  “Sorry.  You were... and you are.  I’m just getting tired of being lectured to.”

Sam grinned, and patted Blaine on the shoulder, prompting the boys to return to walking toward class, “School is kind of known for lecturing.”

Blaine chuckled, thankful Sam was playing his outburst off.  “Yah... it is... now let’s get to our next class.”

 

* * *

 

As it turned out, the rest of his classes, Glee club, and then Cheerios practice made the day drag on so that when Blaine finally did get home, it was already dark outside. His back ached from the combination of dancing, Cheerio’s practice, and the weight of the books attached to his back in his pack.  While McKinley didn’t have the high academic standard Dalton did, they sure made up with it in weekend homework.  After Blaine transferred last year, it didn’t take long to figure out where Kurt had developed his work ethic from.

He paused before parking his car, noting that his parking space at his home was taken up by a car he didn’t recognize, but then went to park on the street.  It wasn’t unusual for his parents to have company - his dad was ever the businessman and his mom was a happy socialite, but the car didn’t look like it belonged to anyone higher class.

Collecting his work for the weekend, he locked up his car and hustled into the house, hoping there would at least be some leftovers for him.  He hadn’t had a chance to eat yet and he was a growing boy - though he didn’t think he’d ever manage to catch up to Kurt’s height at this point.  He was taller when they met but Kurt quickly dwarfed him in height after a growth spurt.

“Blaine...” His father’s voice greeted him as he entered the main foyer and set down his bag.  Something in his dad’s voice was hesitant, and Blaine looked into the living room where his parents were seated with two individuals he didn’t know.

“So this is Mr. Blaine Anderson?” One of the men sitting there asked rhetorically.  He was probably in his mid-30’s and already had a nice round bald spot on the back of his head.  He was dressed in a suit with some kind of identification clipped to the breast pocket of his jacket, though Blaine wasn’t close enough yet to make it out.

Blaine swallowed nervously, looking at the two men and then to his parents questioningly.  His mom looked away from his glance, sadness crossing her fine features, while his dad pressed his lips together in a gesture Blaine knew to be one of nervousness.

“What’s going on?”

The men stood up and approached Blaine, who tensed in spot once he saw the identification read as police.  His brain frantically searched for things he might be in trouble for, and panicked when he couldn’t find anything.  Why were these men here?

Offering each of their hands to shake and giving names that Blaine already forgot in his fear, they suggested Blaine sit and join them, which he did, sitting on the edge of the chair in the living room as he found himself quite alert.

“Mr. Anderson, do you have any idea why we’re here?”

Blaine shook his head rapidly, looking again to his parents to see if they knew.  Again his mother looked away, and this time his father looked down.  Their lack of wanting to make eye contact with him told him they knew.

The smaller of the men pulled out a picture, showing it to Blaine. “Do you know this man?”

Blaine shrunk back a little and went wide eyed.  His physical response alone told the men he did.  It was Eli.  Just his face, but the marks behind Eli’s head told Blaine that this was a mugshot.  Had Eli implicated him in something?  

“Y-yes.”

The picture was put down and the man who held it out pulled out a pad of paper and pen, which he began to write with while his partner began questioning Blaine.

“How did you know him?”

“Through facebook... we were both part of a same-sex marriage equality group and he added me after complimenting some of my posts... he seemed nice enough....”

“Did you ever meet him in person?”

Blaine cast a nervous glance to his parents who again denied him any support before looking back to the officer.  “Yes....”

“When?”

Blaine rattled off the date.  He knew it by heart.  It was the date everything started to go really wrong.

“And could you tell us, please, what transpired on your meeting?”

Blaine’s stomach went sour.  He wasn’t going to be looking for leftovers now with his stomach tied in so many knots.  He bit his lower lip and murmured, “Do my parents have to be here for this....?”

The officer looked between Blaine and his parents and then back to Blaine, “Because you are a minor, we need you to speak with your parents present.”

Blaine sighed, looking down at the white knuckles he was cradling in his lap and gathering all his strength for what he was about to say.  He decided to just get it over with, rapidly speaking without pause to breathe.

“I was lonely and he invited me over so I went and we talked and had some supper and then I had sex with him and then I left and I defriended him on facebook because sleeping with him ruined my relationship with the man I did... do love.”

The officer who was writing scribbled frantically trying to keep up with Blaine.  Blaine could hear a small choked sound coming from his parents, but he wasn’t going to look at them now.  The questioning officer, thankfully, seemed unphased and asked another question.

“What devices did you use to contact him with?”

Blaine was thankful for the reprieve from difficult questions, “On my computer upstairs and on my old phone... which I threw against a wall after my boyfriend and I broke up.”

“We’ll be needing to confiscate your computer, and we’ll get the records from your phone company for the messages...”

Blaine furrowed his brow, “What?  I don’t understand... am I in trouble for something?”

The officer shook his head, “No... at least not unless something we’re not expecting comes up in the search of your computer or messages.  A couple more questions and then I can explain.”

Blaine nodded, glad he only ever used his personal computer for schoolwork and things like facebook to distract him from schoolwork.

“Do you recall what you ate at Eli’s?”

Blaine paused, trying to think back, “I think... it was something he baked... like a cake thing... and just juice for me.”

The officer nodded.  “And do you recall all the details of your sexual interaction with Eli?”

Sexual interaction.  So formal sounding.  Blaine again looked down at his hands, which were cold, but yet sweaty.  He shook his head, looking back up to the officer, “No... I think maybe I tried to block it all out because I was so guilty about it.”

The officer’s eyebrows arched for just a second.  He let his partner finish writing before he spoke again, leaving Blaine in a moment of uncomfortable silence.

“Mr. Anderson, we’ve already talked to your parents about this, so they know what we’re here for which is why they agreed for us to interview you.”

Blaine nodded, just wanting the officer to get to the point.

“Currently Eli is incarcerated following several allegations of using Flunitrazepam to sexually assault minors which he lured to his home on social media sites.”

Blaine stilled, his eyes going wide.  He knew that drug from watching legal shows with his dad... the date rape drug.  Oh god....

“We found your name and information, among others, on his computer and have been interviewing those he had contact with.  Your story is very typical of everyone else we’ve spoken to.”

“Are you sying... that.. he.....”  Blaine choked a little, finding difficulty in saying the word.

“Raped you?” the officer supplied.

Blaine made a small nod, feeling the tears rising to the brim of his eyes.

The officer nodded, looking at Blaine’s parents and then back to Blaine, “I’ve already given your parents information about the case being developed against him, as well as contacts for counselors I recommend you look into seeing.  I will be contacting you again, and you can also expect the district attorney’s office to contact you.  We want to be able to have a strong case against him so we can put him away for awhile after what he did to you and others....”

The officer continued on, talking about the details of testimony and the possibilities for incarceration terms.  Blaine just blanked out, his breath coming in hurried little gasps.  If he thought what he did to Kurt was bad enough already, now he was dealing with the knowledge that he did it unknowingly.. which wasn’t untrue, but suddenly everything started fitting together.  Why he didn’t remember... and why he felt so ill afterwards, aside from being sick with shame.

The officers seemed to ignore his panic and eventually went to shake his father’s hand as they excused themselves from the home.  Blaine found his mother’s arms wrapping around him and he leaned into her, letting out his emotions in fat sobs.

* * *

 

“Kurt!  Sam’s been trying to get ahold of you!” Rachel poked her head into Kurt’s room.  He was busily trying to coordinate an outfit which meant half of his collection was laid out on his bed while he mentally went through the combinations.

“Hmm?” Kurt looked up and over at Rachel.  Sam and him had been friendly, but he had never been close enough with Sam to warrant much contact with him after high school graduation.  For Sam to be calling him was unusual.

“Something about Blaine…” Rachel added, brows arching curiously.  She clearly wanted to know what the gossip was.

Kurt’s brow furrowed, thinking to himself.  He had last texted with Blaine about a week ago… but had been so busy with classes and his internship that he hadn’t contacted him since.  What was unusual about that was that Blaine hadn’t contacted him either. Maybe he was sick?

“Okay Rachel… I’ll give him a call right away.”  Kurt went to his nightstand to collect his phone and went through his contact list as Rachel hovered in the doorway, waiting to find out what was going on.  Normally he would have booted her away, but since she was being used to relay the need for Kurt to call Sam, he figured she could stay… for now.

As the phone picked up and Sam said “Hello” on the other end, Kurt greeted him.

“Kurt!  Oh good!  I didn’t have your number on my new phone!”

“Right… well.. Rachel said you needed to talk to me about Blaine?” Kurt shoved some of his clothing over on the bed to make a space for him to sit on.  Rachel crept over and did the same on the other side.

“He hasn’t been at school this past week… and the teachers said we aren’t to bring him homework… which is weird because if he was sick that’s what we’d do… and he wouldn’t respond to my texts or calls either so I called his mom and she said that something happened and until they figure out what to do that he won’t be at school.”

This was the first Kurt had heard of any of this, and his brow perked up in confusion.  Rachel, who could hear Sam’s voice through the phone, glanced at Kurt questioningly and he shrugged in return.

“I.. haven’t talked to him Sam… not in a week. I don’t know what to tell you…”

“Right.  So Tina’s mom works in the courthouse right?  And she saw that Blaine Anderson was on a schedule to give a preliminary testimony about something related to some date rape case.”

Kurt searched for something to say, but nothing came up.

Sam continued, “Kurt… Blaine is listed as one of the victims…”

“Oh… fuck…” Kurt uttered, his breath stilling.  He could feel his whole body freeze up.

“Tina’s mom could get in a lot of trouble if it was found out she gave us that information… but we were all freaking out… and now we’re all really worried.  I thought… maybe you could… try to get ahold of him?”

“Yah… okay… “  Kurt shook his head, trying to think of the words to say, but was still coming up blank.

Rachel grabbed the phone away from him, and Kurt let her.  Why wouldn’t Blaine have told him he’d been…. Kurt couldn’t even think the word it made him cringe.

“Thank you Sam.  I’ll get him on it once he gets over the shock.” Rachel said and finished up the conversation for him, ending the call soon after.

“Kurt?”

Kurt shook his head.  He couldn’t believe it.  

“Kurt… you need to call him.  You know if there’s anyone he’ll talk to it’ll be you.”

“But… what if… what if that’s the thing that ended us?  What if I dumped him because he was raped?”

“If that’s what did happen, you didn’t know that… You have to work with the information you have, and you don’t even know that was when it happened.  It could have just happened for all you know.”

Kurt swallowed and brought his hands up and over his hair, smoothing it back,  “What do I even say?”

“How about… how are you?  I’m worried about you?  Anything.”

Kurt held out his hand toward Rachel, who placed the phone in his hand.  “Please… can I have privacy for this?”

Rachel nodded, giving Kurt a small pat on the back before leaving.  “Call me if you need me.”

When she was gone, Kurt just spent the next five minutes staring at his phone, at Blaine’s contact information.  Maybe he could do a web search on what to say when someone’s been raped… but he couldn’t bring himself to even think of typing it out.  Eventually, he switched the contact he was looking at and made a call.

“Dad…. hi.”

* * *

 

Blaine laid in bed.  He had stopped counting the days since he had found out, and refused to get out of bed for more than just going to the bathroom.  His parents, his mother mostly, checked in on him, clearly worried but completely unsure of what to do.  He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to see anyone else, didn’t want to do anything.  

He felt disgusted with himself before when he thought he had had sex with Eli willingly… now he felt completely worthless - used and thrown away.  It was humiliating too.  Wasn’t rape supposed to be a woman’s issue?  Everything he had ever heard or seen had shown the effect it had on the woman… he had never seen or heard about a male rape victim.  If he wasn’t gay this wouldn’t have happened.  He had never hated that part of him so much as he did right now.

He didn’t want to see his friends.  Didn’t want to go to school.  The more he thought about what had happened, the more disconnected and detached he felt from others.  He didn’t want to be around them.  They would forget about him quickly enough anyhow - he was disposable after all.  

His parents had brought a counsellor in a couple times, but he didn’t talk to her.  How could she understand what he was going through?  Moreover, he didn’t want to talk about it.  It was enough that it kept replaying through his head over and over.  Why hadn’t he felt like this before?  It had been months since he had sex with Eli - so why wasn’t he handling it better?

It was because it was suddenly not consensual.  Not only had he lost Kurt and his self-respect over it before, but now he had lost all his personal sense of value.  He really was disgusting.

“Blaine...sweetie?”  His mother looked in, cracking the door open.  Blaine made a noncommittal grunt.  Of course he was in his room.  Where else would he be?

She opened the door the rest of the way and he could hear her talking with someone in the hall, probably his father or that counsellor back again for another hour of staring at him, so when he saw Kurt walk into his line of vision, he made a small squeak of surprise, and then, like a child, drew the blanket up over his head - as if hiding himself could make him invisible.

He could feel the bed shift as Kurt sat down on the edge near him, and the click of the door closing as his mother left to give them privacy.  

“Blaine..” Kurt’s sweet voice whispered, and a hand was set on Blaine’s hip through the blanket.

Blaine sniffed softly, keeping the blanket over him.  He probably smelled horrible and looked just as bad.  Kurt looked gorgeous, as always.  Why would he even bother with Blaine?”

“Blaine… your parents told me what happened…”

Blaine felt his heart contract inside him as the crushing realizing that Kurt would now know just how gross and pathetic he really was.

Kurt sighed softly after Blaine didn’t bring the blanket down or reply after a few minutes.  The bed shifted again and Blaine could feel Kurt laying down beside him, a hand wrapped around his waist.  

“I’m not going until you talk to me… and you know perfectly well how stubborn I am.”

Blaine slowly drew the blanket down, finding himself face to face with Kurt.  He glanced downwards, not wanting to look Kurt in the eyes and let him see how wounded he was.

“Mmm… you need a shave.” Kurt noted, moving the hand away from Blaine’s waist and running it over the long stubble collected over Blaine’s chin.  Blaine flinched at the touch, pulling away.

“Blaine… please.” Kurt pleaded.

“I’m sorry…” Blaine finally managed to utter, turning himself around, back to Kurt.

Another sigh, and Kurt’s hand found it’s way back to Blaine’s waist.  “It’s okay.  My teachers aren’t expecting me back for a few days, or Vogue.”

“No… I’m sorry… I’m disgusting.”

Kurt pulled Blaine against him gently, and Blaine couldn’t help but allow himself to allow himself to be embraced by the sweet smell of vanilla and lavender that was Kurt.  “Well nothing a shower and a shave can’t fix.”

“Not what I meant…” Blaine mumbled back.

Kurt didn’t respond right away, which Blaine took to mean that he understood what Blaine was referring to.  Kurt probably agreed - or he already knew it.

“I’m not leaving Blaine.” was the response Blaine finally got from Kurt.

So they laid there, side by side with Kurt spooning Blaine, in complete silence.  After an indeterminate amount of time, Blaine could hear Kurt’s breathes deepen and his hand go limp on Blaine’s waist, telling Blaine that Kurt had fallen asleep.  Very carefully, Blaine extricated himself from Kurt’s hold and sat up, looking down at the beautiful boy in his bed, lashing fanned out over his cheekbones and mouth curled slightly in his sleep.  Why had he come?

Whatever the reason, Blaine didn’t deserve him.  Especially not looking like this.  He snuck out of the bed, carefully drawing a blanket up over Kurt before going into his bathroom.

He showered and shaved for the first time in over a week.  The water going down the drain was tinged with brown, and he had to soap himself over three times before he felt really clean again.  He had to use two razors to clear off his stubble, and even then he ended up with far more nicks on his skin then he usually would have.  Regardless, he looked and smelled a whole lot better.

Kurt was still sleeping when he went back into his bedroom, though had shifted and was now snuggling against Blaine’s pillow.  Blaine quickly dressed himself in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.  Certainly not the best he could wear, but he still didn’t feel up to dressing himself up.

He saw then, for the first time, the set of luggage sitting beside his bedroom door.  Kurt really did mean that he wouldn’t leave Blaine.  He wasn’t even staying at his dad’s place…. he intended to stay here.  Why?

“Mmm… hey.”  

Blaine looked back to the bed, seeing Kurt up and rubbing his eyes.  What he wouldn’t give to see that every morning of his life.  But he was now used goods, and it was late afternoon.

“You look much better.”  Kurt said with a gentle smile as he looked over Blaine.  He crawled out from under the blanket and walked over to Blaine, his clothes ruffled from sleeping in them, but for once, Kurt Hummel didn’t seem concerned about what he looked like.  He took Blaine’s hands in his own, and again Blaine looked down to avoid Kurt’s eyes on his.  

“Come on.  Your mom said the kitchen is well stocked and that you haven’t been eating much at all.”

Blaine shook his head.  No.  He had been feeling constantly nauseous and didn’t want to eat.  Why waste food on him anyhow?  Kurt, however, ignored the gesture and led Blaine out of the bedroom, having to pull a little bit in the beginning, but then Blaine surrendered and followed him quietly, down the stairs to the Anderson kitchen, which was just not well stocked, but well equipped.

Kurt led him to a chair and Blaine sat down obediently as Kurt rustled through the kitchen, collecting food and spices as he went about cooking.  As sick as Blaine felt, he couldn’t help noticing his stomach growling and his mouth watering as the smells of Kurt’s cooking filled the room.

Then a plate was set in front of Blaine, filled with some kind of souffle that only Kurt would have been able to concoct without any assistance from a cookbook.  His nausea all but forgotten, Blaine digs in and eats without barely giving time to chew his food.  He is starving.

Kurt sits across from Blaine with his own portion, half the size of Blaine’s, and eaten far more slowly.  Kurt seems more interested in watching Blaine eat and even chuckles a little at one point.  “You eat like a refugee.”

Blaine doesn’t respond.  He eats until it’s all gone and his stomach growls now in appreciation and thanks.  Kurt is still taking small, slow bites of his own food, and still looking at Blaine as he eats.

Blaine wishes he could make himself invisible from those eyes.

His parents haven’t shown their faces.  He honestly thinks his dad doesn’t know how to handle it, or what to say.  He’s seen even less of his dad than he usually does, which is saying a lot, and when he has made an appearance, he talks as if everything is just fine.  His mother on the other hand is constantly apologetic and while she doesn’t know what to do, she wants to play nurse.  The only problem with it though is she doesn’t actually know how to play nurse since Blaine always had a nanny taking care of him when he was younger and sick.  

Not that there’s anything either of them could say to make him feel better.  He certainly can’t think of anything that can fix this - fix him.  

Kurt takes their plates away and washes them, despite his knowing they have a housekeeper for that, once he’s finished eating, and then holds a hand back out to Blaine, who stares at it a moment before accepting it.  He’s led back to his bedroom where Kurt insists on changing the sheets and pillow cases before they sit back down to watch a movie.

Not once does Kurt ask, or pry for information.  He’s just being there.  

Blaine doesn’t really watch the movie either.  He just lets his head rest on Kurt’s shoulder when Kurt draws him close with his arm.  Blaine commits the feel of Kurt beside him to his memory, and the lines of his body as he looks down him.  Every now and then, Kurt laughs at something on the movie, and Blaine can’t help but smile at that beautiful sound.

He falls asleep again at some point, and when he wakes up, Kurt has him tucked under the blankets.  Kurt is there too, changed into his pajamas and sleeping soundly.  Blaine gives into what he desperately wants and just cuddles up against Kurt, wishing this was just them being together again, and not him having to say goodbye.

* * *

 

Kurt didn’t know just how long he had been awake for.  It was morning, but early yet.  Sometime during the night, Blaine had crawled over to him in the bed and was now half on top of him, arms and legs coiled around him.  Kurt didn’t want to move and risk waking Blaine, even though Blaine’s parents had told him that he had been sleeping pretty much constantly since the visit from the officers.  Blaine’s mother told Kurt that the counsellor believed that Blaine was sleeping so much to avoid having to deal with his feelings.  

Once he had talked to his dad in New York, he had scheduled a flight out to Ohio.  It wasn’t going to be enough to try and call Blaine, he had to see Blaine.  His dad talked to Blaine’s parents and they eagerly agreed that Kurt could stay with them - anything to help Blaine.

He had read a few websites that talked about what was considered “normal” after being raped, and how people coped with it in different ways.  Most of the information was targeted to women, but thankfully there were a few websites that talked about male rape.  He expected Blaine to feel ashamed, upset, humiliated, depressed even… but even though he expected it, he wasn’t prepared for it when he saw it yesterday.

Blaine was completely disheveled.  Usually concerned with his appearance, he had obviously not showered in days and had a definite funk about him.  Not quite as bad as some of the homeless people Kurt had encountered in New York, who were tainted by the smell of their own urine and feces, but Blaine definitely smelled of sweat and body odor.  His bed had clearly been well used too - with blankets tucked around him like a nest which he tried to hide within when he saw Kurt.  

Blaine never hid from Kurt.

Burt had talked to Blaine’s parents prior to Kurt arriving, and they were open with Burt about what had happened and Blaine’s rapid transformation.  They were having difficulty understanding how Blaine could go from happy and pleasant to this… especially when the “event”, as they were calling it, happened months ago and he admitted he couldn’t remember most of it.

Kurt was having a little difficulty understanding it too admittedly.  He knew Blaine had felt deeply guilty about hurting him after sleeping with Eli, and he had heard through Finn that Blaine was depressed, but lately had been showing signs of his old self - especially after he and Kurt reconnected at Mr. Schuester’s non wedding.  So why was this affecting him so badly?

Kurt wasn’t about to guess, or make any assumptions.  His dad had said it was enough that it was affecting Blaine, and that the best thing Kurt could do, since Kurt was insistent on doing something, was just be there for him.

So that’s what Kurt was trying to do.  He didn’t know what to say, or even if he should say anything, so he was just going to start by making sure Blaine was taken care of.  He had been happy to wake up and find Blaine showered yesterday afternoon.  That was a definite improvement.  

Blaine stirred a little against him and Kurt looked down to where Blaine’s head was rested on his chest.  Every now and then, Blaine would show signs of dreaming, making little huffs of breath and whines.  Kurt just stroked his hair gently until the dreams passed and Blaine went back to making little snores.

God he felt guilty.  If he only knew… but even Blaine’s parents admitted that Blaine thought what had happened was consensual before, even if Blaine was foolish enough to let himself believe that.  He didn’t remember it… he felt sick afterwards… and so he jetted off to New York because he felt guilty and admitted what had happened to Kurt… and Kurt presumed that he had outright cheated on him.  He wouldn’t listen to Blaine afterwards.  Maybe if he had listened, he would have heard the clues that told him something wasn’t right about what had happened and he could have prevented this kind of fall out.

But it was done.  Now they just had to move forward.

He hadn’t talked to Adam since he spoke to Sam, and knew he had missed a coffee date.  Kurt had also purposely left his phone off.  He didn’t want to deal with anyone else right now.  Blaine needed him.

And what did that mean?  

Well, according to his dad, it meant that he wasn’t invested in Adam enough for a relationship.  He didn’t disagree.  This changed everything.

Blaine shifted again and a low whine fell against Kurt’s chest, “Love you….”

Kurt found himself beaming despite himself and the situation, and, without missing a beat, replied. “Love you too.”

That seemed to shake Blaine completely out of his sleepy reverie and his head snapped up, looking at Kurt in shock, as if forgetting the past day.

“Whoa… hey… come back and cuddle.” Kurt said, trying to keep himself calm for Blaine.  He reached out and gently pulled Blaine back against him, who seemed a little hesitant, but quickly fell into Kurt’s embrace.

Blaine seemed happy to quietly cuddle and Kurt resumed brushing his fingers through Blaine’s curls idly as he plotted out the things he needed to ensure Blaine did today - primary clean himself up, eat, and hopefully, start to open up.

Blaine’s parents seemed quite happy to let Kurt have the run of the house while they went to work.  Relieved was actually the best way to describe them when Kurt had arrived yesterday.  They didn’t know how to handle this, and so, they were happy to have Kurt deal with it.  It made him more than a little angry, but knowing how much Blaine was left to do things independently already, he wasn’t really surprised.

“You stayed…” Blaine mumbled sleepily.

“I said I would.” Kurt replied, tipping his head down to kiss Blaine on the forehead.  The more he spent time with Blaine, the harder it was to not kiss him.  

Blaine was avoiding his gaze again.  It was unnerving not to be able to look into those hazel eyes when he was talking to Kurt, but Blaine clearly felt ashamed.

“There’s a tape.”

“Hmm?”

Blaine grumbled, “The police called two days ago.  He made a tape of it… “

“Oh….”  OH.  Kurt felt the bile rise in his throat as he started to seethe inside at this man he had never met.  He had to talk himself down to stay calm.

“They want me to see it….”

“What?”  Kurt’s brow knitted up.  Why the hell would the police put him through that?

“And my parents… since I’m a minor…”

He squeezed Blaine a little tighter.  He couldn’t help it.  It was the only way he could think of to deal with that.  He couldn’t imagine having to watch himself on tape… doing… that, let alone having to deal with his dad watching it.

“It’s in evidence.”

Kurt shook his head, trying to shake the tears away from his eyes that were starting to form.  No, no, no.  You can’t cry.  You need to be strong for him.

So Kurt just continued to stroke Blaine’s hair - as much to soothe Blaine as it was to soothe himself.  “It’ll be alright.  It’ll be alright…”

After another stretch of silence, Kurt gently nudged Blaine up, “Come on.  Time for you to shower up.”

Thankfully Blaine didn’t argue and sulked towards his bathroom.  Kurt noticed how poor Blaine’s posture has become since he had seen him last, and how much smaller he looked as a result.  It probably didn’t help that he hadn’t been eating well.

Once he heard the shower turn on, Kurt was digging through his bag for his phone, turning it on and ignoring the missed texts from Adam and Rachel and calling his dad.

“Dad… I don’t know what to do here… he’s just so… not Blaine.”

“Did you think it would be easy kiddo?”

“No…” But I didn’t think it would be this hard either.

“You wanted to do this… and I completely support it.  I think Blaine has had a poor deal, and it’s good that he has you because his parents, though they love him, just aren’t the type to know how to give him the love he needs right now.”

“But dad… I don’t think I even know how to do that…”

“You know what Blaine said about you one of the first times I met him?  Said you were the most moral and compassionate person he knew.  Just be you kiddo… things’ll work out.”

Kurt talked with his dad until he heard the shower turn off and then hastily said good bye to his dad, setting the phone down just as Blaine was coming back into the bedroom, toweling his hair off.

“Just my dad.  Checking in.” Kurt noted, trying not to stare at Blaine, who had forgone a shirt and just had a towel around his waist.

Blaine nodded absently, going to his drawers to dig out another sad looking part of sweatpants and T-shirt.  “Still lots of hot water for you…”

Everything that Blaine said seemed to trail off, as if he had more to say, but it wouldn’t come out.  Kurt smiled over to him, though his eyes never met Kurt’s, gathered his bathroom gear, and went to the bathroom.

He would have to remember to clean it later.  Blaine had several empty toilet paper rolls littering the floor, a heap of towels and old clothes beside the toilet, and the sink was no doubt plugged with all the coarse little black hair filling it up from Blaine’s shaving.  It was like living with Finn again.

Despite that, he managed to shower and shave in record time - at least for him.  When he left the bathroom, Blaine was dressed in a new set of comfortable clothes and was laying back on the bed again - staring across the room at nothing in particular.

Once Kurt had dressed himself, he once again led Blaine by the hand to the kitchen where he made them both omelettes.  Again Blaine ate eagerly, and again it was in relative silence.

“Now what do you want me to do?” Blaine asked meekly after Kurt had washed the dishes.  He felt guilty about leaving it for the housekeeper when he was perfectly capable of doing it himself.

“Is there something you’d like to do?” Kurt asked.

“Sleep.” Blaine admitted, yawning for effect.

Kurt shook his head. “No.  You’ve done enough of that.  How about we go for a walk?”

Blaine looked outside and noticeably squirmed in his seat. “No..”

“We could go for a swim in your pool.”

“No.”

“Shopping?”

“No.”

Kurt sighed and regarded Blaine quietly.  He was at a loss for what he could suggest.  It dawned on him that Blaine would probably not agree to anything, and Kurt would have to make him do it.

Kurt took Blaine by the hand and led him to the music room.  Of all the rooms in the Anderson house, Kurt knew this one the best.  He loved it in there, with almost all type of major musical instrument and a library of sheet music.  Though he never could look at the piano without grinning, remembering a particularly good time he and Blaine had on that bench once.

“I don’t want to sing or play…” Blaine started.

“You don’t have to.  But if you’re not going to, then I am, and you have to be my audience.”  Kurt said, sitting at the piano.  He wasn’t quite the instrumentalist Blaine was, but he wasn’t terrible either.

Blaine sat back against the wall, on the floor, hands curled up around the tops of his knees as he listened to Kurt tinker with the keys before starting into a rendition of Edelweiss.  Blaine listened and even clapped weakly once Kurt was done.

“Do you want a turn or should I go again?” Kurt asked, turning around to smile to Blaine.

“You.” Blaine said simply.

So Kurt sang again… and again.  Each time Blaine insisting that Kurt sing for him, and though his voice was getting hoarse and his fingers sore, he kept going - singing and playing almost all the songs in his mental inventory.

By the time Kurt couldn’t handle playing anymore, he decided it was time for a change of pace.  He took Blaine by the hand again, leading him to the bedroom where he made him change into his swim shorts in the bathroom while Kurt changed in the bedroom.  Then Blaine was led outside to the pool.

“I don’t feel like swimming…” Blaine grumbled as Kurt led him down the steps in the shallow end.

“Then don’t swim.  Just watch me swim and get some sun.” Kurt offered.  

So that’s what happened.  Kurt swam laps around the pool while Blaine sat in the shallow end watching.  It was such a marked difference from the Blaine he loved… so full of energy and ready for anything.  This Blaine acted like a sulking toddler.

After he had exhausted himself, he led Blaine back to the kitchen and made them sandwiches for lunch.  Despite Blaine having done nothing but sit all morning, he ate hungrily, even licking off his fingers.

Maybe he just needed to rebuild his energy reserves, though Kurt.  Maybe he had been sleeping and not eating for so long, his body is used to not doing anything.

The rest of the day continued much in the same way as the morning.  Kurt danced - Blaine watched Kurt dance.  Kurt did yoga - Blaine watched Kurt do yoga.  Kurt watched reality TV - Blaine watched Kurt watch reality TV.  

Kurt felt alone despite not really being alone.

After doing some stretching to keep himself limber for dance class, Kurt looked over at Blaine, sitting on the bed and staring.  “I’m sore… and tired out.”

“We could nap.” Blaine suggested.

Kurt shook his head.  “No.  I’m going to lay back and you’re going to read to me.”

He had enough of being watched.

Blaine opened his mouth as if to refuse, but the insistent look on Kurt’s face must have dissuaded him because he shut his mouth just as quickly as it opened and nodded.

“Pick out your favourite.” Kurt directed as he crawled up on the bed and laid back.  He knew perfectly well what Blaine was going to pick and read, so he was more than ready for the line that was coming when Blaine picked the book out of the bookshelf and began.

“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense….”

* * *

 

Blaine was tired.  He really wanted to sleep, but Kurt wasn’t having it.  Every second he spent awake was a second he was fighting with himself inside.  If he could just sleep.. he could shut himself off from hearing his brain tell him how pathetic he was, how Kurt was only here to take pity on him before returning to his New York boyfriend, how he doesn’t matter.

He read Harry Potter until his voice was weak and Kurt had dozed off.  He was so thankful for that because it meant he could have a nap too.  Laying down beside Kurt, he was about to let himself pass out when Kurt murmured, “No naps for you.”  Apparently he wasn’t as asleep as Blaine had thought.

Blaine’s first thought was that there was no way Kurt could stop him if he wanted to sleep.  What authority did he have over what Blaine did or didn’t do.  Then he just gave up.  He wasn’t going to fight Kurt over it.  Kurt had come here, and after all he had done to hurt Kurt, he wasn’t going to deny him anything.  

So Blaine shuffled over to his new computer, his parents had no problem buying him gifts, and spent the next hour watching youtube videos that would have made him laugh before, but now had no effect, until Kurt woke up.

He was commanded to change into something less ghastly, and after doing do, was led on a walk around the neighbourhood by Kurt, who talked about his courses at NYADA and what Blaine could expect there when he joined him.  

Blaine couldn’t see that future for himself anymore.

In fact, he couldn’t see past right now.

He felt guilty for being so depressed and dragging his family, and now Kurt, down like this.  They were wasting their time because of him.  He felt pathetic because he let himself feel this way.  Only the weak minded would feel like this.

Kurt’s hand crept into his own, as it kept doing throughout the day, and led him to the music room when they returned from the walk.  He was sat at the piano and told simply to “Play.”

Blaine looked at the keys blankly.  “I… can’t.”

“Yes you can.  Play for me.”

Blaine sunk into place and let his fingers slide over the tops of the keys.  No music came to his mind.  

Kurt’s hand settled on Blaine’s shoulder and squeezed softly.  “Play.”

One song flickered through his mind and so he began playing.  Before he knew it he was singing along, crying as he played Ghosts That We Knew by Mumford and Sons.  The song seemed to end as quickly as he began playing, and his fingers ghosted over the keys, wishing there was more to the song.

Strong arms wrapped around him as Kurt sat on the bench beside him and hugged him close, and he cried.  He cried into Kurt’s chest like he hadn’t since the night the police were over.  Kurt kept rubbing his back and whispering sweetly into his ear that it would be alright, and that he would be here for him.

Was it wrong that him breaking down right now felt so right?  It was the first he had really allowed himself to feel in days, and it overwhelmed his system.  He babbled to Kurt that he was sorry, so sorry, and Kurt shh’d him repeatedly, telling him he had nothing to be sorry for.

Once his face was blotched red, and his eyes sore because his tear ducts were empty but still trying to push out tears, he looked up, and into Kurt’s eyes for the first time since he had come.  Kurt’s eyes were rimmed in tears, and the streaks going down his face told Blaine that he had been crying too.  Blaine make a small choked sound, immediately feeling awful for making Kurt cry, but Kurt’s lips against his own silenced that feeling immediately and replaced it with warmth, and hope.

It wasn’t a passionate kiss, or even a hungry one.  It was chaste, and loving, and sweet - and exactly what Blaine needed right then and there.  As they parted, Blaine released a slow breath, not wanting to be rid of Kurt’s taste on his lips too quickly.  

“I love you.  We’ll be okay.” Kurt said, smiling that ever so beautiful smile when he finished.

“We’ll..?” Blaine breathed out, looking at Kurt’s lips.

“Yes… I love you Blaine… and I’m sorry… I know I shouldn’t be asking you this… now… and after what I’ve done, but will you still be mine?”

Blaine made a small gasp and looked up at Kurt’s eyes, finding the sincerity of his words in those beautiful glasz eyes.  “Of course.”

It was the first glance of future he had seen in a long time, and it was happy and hopeful.  It was Kurt.

* * *

 

He shouldn’t have kissed him.  He shouldn’t have asked.  But hearing Blaine sing so beautifully and soulfully, and then cry his eyes out like that… Kurt couldn’t really be blamed for listening to his heart in that moment could he?

Blaine needed him to be strong, and he had cried along, and then let his love direct his actions instead of his head.  He hoped it wouldn’t set Blaine back.  Though Blaine had looked him in the eyes.  That was progress anyhow.

After they had sat for awhile on the piano bench, and Kurt’s rear started to go numb, he gently nudged Blaine, who was cuddled into his arms and holding onto him for dear life.  “Let’s bake.  We can even make those cookies you love so much.”

Blaine seemed to perk up a little at that, even getting off the piano without Kurt leading him like he had been throughout the day.  As they got to the kitchen, Blaine gathered what he knew was needed and set it out on the island for Kurt who was tying on an apron and holding another apron out to him.

Blaine is good about measuring out ingredients for Kurt.  They must have made this recipe a hundred times, and Blaine never tired of it.  

“Can… we turn on some music?” Blaine asks nervously beside him as they’re halfway through the process, startling Kurt, who had been getting used to Blaine not talking.

“Of course!” Kurt stammers as soon as he regains his senses, and Blaine is off to the stereo to turn on satellite radio.  It’s switched right away from his parent’s talk radio to the top pop charts station, and Kurt can’t help but smile at how predictable Blaine is after all this time.

Kurt is happy to have music in the background, and can’t help but dance a little in spot as he mixes.  Blaine hums softly to the tune playing, one which Kurt isn’t quite familiar with but instantly likes since its giving Blaine his voice back.

They are just putting the cookies into the oven when they hear the door open and Mrs. Anderson makes an appearance in the kitchen not a moment later.

She beams when she see’s Blaine, and looks quickly at Kurt with appreciation.  “Good to see you both…”  She crosses the floor and hugs her son tentatively.  “Good to see you out of your bed…”

Blaine hugs her back, just as gingerly, and they part, with her looking up at her son with clear joy in her face.  Kurt smiles at the interaction.  As much as Mrs. Anderson isn’t the mom he thinks she should be, Blaine is still lucky to have her.  Kurt would do most anything to have his mom back.

“Should I order some supper?” She asks, glancing between them, but mostly asking Kurt.  

Kurt shakes his head.  “Absolutely not.  Blaine and I will take care of it.  Dessert is already in the oven anyhow.”

Blaine pouts a little, and Kurt recognizes that Blaine thought he would get to eat cookies right away and is now upset that he has to wait until after supper.  Kurt can’t help but chuckle at that.  Some things never do change.

Mrs. Anderson nods and then swallows, nervously telling them that “The counsellor will be back in the morning.”

Blaine wrinkles up his nose at that information, but Kurt is actually relieved.  He needs someone here who knows what they’re doing and he’ll see if he can talk to the counsellor one-on-one about what he should be doing to help.  He nods to Mrs. Anderson.  “Thanks.  I’ll make sure he’s up for it.”

Another grateful nod from her and she’s up the stairs to her home office, leaving Kurt to poke through the fridge and freezer to see what he can come up with for supper.

As he sets out a full load of new ingredients for supper on the counter, he watches Blaine, who has stopped humming along to the music and is just standing stoically in the middle of the kitchen.

“Blaine… come help me cut up the vegetables.” Kurt directs, hoping to shake Blaine from his trance.

It works and Blaine is beside him, carefully cutting up carrots.  Kurt watches him use the knife carefully, worried all of a sudden that Blaine might use it on himself.  He remembers suicidal ideation on the list of things to watch for on one of the websites he had been reading.

“I’m not going to cut myself…” Blaine mumbles, catching sight of Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt flushes a little at being caught.  “Sorry.  I’m just…”

“Worried.  I know.” Blaine finishes off for him.

It’s the most conversation they’ve had all day, and despite being about something so negative, Kurt chooses to focus on that positive aspect of it.  

“I love you… and I’m disallowing you from hurting yourself.” Kurt adds as an afterthought.

A little snort comes out of Blaine and Kurt snaps his head in the direction of the sound.  It isn’t a laugh, or even a chuckle, but it’s the most humoured sound he’s heard out of Blaine since he arrived.  He grins ear to ear at Blaine, who offers him a very weak smile back before looking back down at the carrots.

The silence returns as they work on making dinner even though music is still playing in the background.  Kurt directs Blaine, and Blaine complies.  Kurt rewards him with one of the fresh cookies, getting another small smile in return.  It’s worth it.

When everything is in the oven or steaming on the stove they sit down at the table.  

“Why don’t you want to see the counsellor?” Kurt pries.

Blaine shrugs and looks out the window at nothing in particular.  Kurt gets no more response than that, and he sighs in frustration.  

They are joined at dinner by Blaine’s ever reclusive father, who Kurt didn’t even know was in the house, and his mother too.  Most of the conversation is directed at Kurt by Blaine’s parents, asking him about New York and NYADA and Vogue.  Blaine is left out of it, and Kurt painstakingly tries to include him in the conversation, but all attempts are met with sullen silence.  

After supper, Kurt again insists on washing the dishes and puts Blaine in charge of drying.  He needs to keep busy, and keep Blaine awake.  Besides, Blaine will never survive New York if he doesn’t have basic housekeeping skills.  

As they finish up,Kurt fills a plate with cookies and leads Blaine back up to his bedroom where he puts on the first Harry Potter movie.  He doesn’t do it because he wants to watch it, but because he knows its one of Blaine’s favourites and, if nothing else, a fun movie will be a welcome distraction.

Throughout the movie, he catches Blaine mouth along with some of the dialogue, and grins to himself.   It’s a sweet, and simple thing - but right now it shows that his Blaine is in there, and there’s hope for him to come back out.

Bedtime is another round of changing the sheets because, really, that stale smell of sweat and dirt that Blaine was living in for over a week has to go.  He’ll see if the Anderson’s have a steaming unit he could use to clean the mattress later.  Thankfully, Blaine doesn’t need directing to go change into his pajamas and brush his teeth, and Kurt is thankful for the small miracles right now.  He tucks Blaine in and then changes himself, under Blaine’s watchful eyes.  It makes him feel shy like he did the first time he undressed in front of Blaine, but maybe it will help him feel that Kurt trusts him enough to see him like that again.

He gets his cell phone from his bag, seeing that there are a wealth of unread messages.

“Is it alright if I go through my messages in bed?” He asks, and Blaine nods.  He doesn’t want Blaine to think he’s not the most important thing to him right now.

Most everyone in New Directions has texted him, as word has gotten through the grapevine by now.  He reads off their hopes to visit Blaine and the messages to him that they miss Blaine.  Blaine sits very still and listens through it all before he begins sobbing again and Kurt drops the phone and wraps his arms up around Blaine, “Blaine…”

“They all know… why do they all know?  It’s so embarrassing..”

He’s humiliated, Kurt realizes, and then shakes his head.  “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Men don’t get raped… it means I’m weak and pathetic and everyone is going to talk about me like I’m a sad little -”

Kurt cuts him off, “You are not!”

Blaine chokes in his sobs and looks up at Kurt with disbelief, so Kurt continues.  “You are brave, and strong, and yes, men do get raped.  But the difference is most men are too cowardly to admit to it.  You’re tougher than that.  You’re going to get him put behind bars so he doesn’t hurt anyone ever again.”

Blaine shakes his head and looks back down at the blanket as if he doesn’t believe it, so Kurt hugs him tighter and keeps talking.  

“I love you Blaine… I feel awful because I thought you cheated on me, and now I feel like a horrible person because I wouldn’t listen to you and if I had I might have realized what had happened and wouldn’t have caused you more pain.  I don’t deserve you.”

Blaine whimpers softly and shakes his head against Kurt’s chest where he’s presently emptying out his tear ducts.  “I don’t deserve you…”

“Bullshit.” Kurt says and then claps a hand to his mouth.  He never swears… at least not so venomously.  Blaine looks up as well, shock apparent in his face as his eyes are wide and mouth is open.  For the moment, he has stopped crying.

Kurt shakes himself out of it and elaborates, “Blaine… You know how much I cried and withdrew when I was just getting pushed into lockers at school?  I don’t think I’d even be able to get up in the morning if I had been raped.  But here you are - my tough, beautiful man who for some reason still loves me even though I’ve been a giant ass.”

A hiccup, and then, “I do love you… so much.”

Kurt smiles and kisses Blaine’s forehead, nuzzling his nose into the curls on the top of Blaine’s head as he does it.  He loves those loose curls.  If Blaine gets back… no… WHEN Blaine gets back to being himself, he’s going to hide the gel.

“Things will be alright Blaine.  They will.” Kurt insists, pulling Blaine down with him to lie down.  The curly haired boy sniffles a little, but snuggles right up against Kurt, arms and legs sweeping around him to keep him close, and Kurt just hopes he’ll be able to breath tonight as he sleeps.  

* * *

 

In the morning, Blaine actually feels rested.  Not the way he’s been feeling - overtired and hazy.  He actually feels like there’s some clarity in his mind.  It helps that Kurt is in his arms.  

He doesn’t want to get up if it means letting go of Kurt, who is still sleeping, nose twitching every so often in that cute way he dreams, so Blaine just watches him, maps his face to memory, even though he’s committed it to his memory a hundred times before.

Kurt’s his boyfriend again… and he’s beautiful.

Blaine doesn’t really understand what Kurt is thinking, why he would recommit to him when he knows Blaine is used.  He’s not going to argue with him though.  Kurt has this ability to make him feel silly for ever doubting him, and Blaine knows better than to debate the merits of Kurt dating him.  

And Kurt genuinely seems to want to be with him.  Blaine may not understand it, but he can see it.

All those dreams he had, of them living together as artists, adopting children, retiring to an artist’s community, they all come back to him and all the hope and promise that they hold.  

He feels happy for the first time in too long.  Real happiness.  Not the type he was faking back at school after the break up where he put on a smile and pretended everything was okay.  He hasn’t felt this happy since… well… since the beginning of the school year when he was here, holding Kurt in his arms then.

Funny how things have a way of coming full circle.

“You’re my everything.” He whispers to a sleeping Kurt.

“mm’ glad.” Kurt mumbles back, and damn it, how does he manage to look so asleep but still be awake?

Kurt leans into him and presses their lips together as they gently rediscover each other’s taste.  Morning breath aside, this is the perfect way to wake up in the morning.  

They continue for awhile until Kurt pulls back and breathlessly announces that they should get ready because the counsellor is supposed to be here this morning.  Blaine remembers again why Kurt is here, and his heart sinks.  For a few minutes anyway, he had been free of the knowledge that’s been hanging over him like a heavy cloud.

So they shower, and get dressed, stealing kisses whenever they pass one another in the bedroom, and Blaine enjoys the way Kurt flushes up everytime they do it because he remembers that Kurt used to do that when they first got together and was still not used to being touched like that.

Breakfast again.  He’s happy to have a boyfriend that can cook.  Really cook.  Most mornings he suffers through cereal or toast, but with Kurt he gets omelettes, pancakes, french toast, and other delicious things.  

He has a boyfriend again.

Kurt delicately reaches over at one point to move a stray curl and then smiles at Blaine, “You know.. I think I like it better without the gel.”

Blaine returns the smile and then looks back down at his plate.  He hasn’t been bothering to gel because he hasn’t felt the need to look all that good.  He was fully prepared to do it if Kurt asked him to, but not before, and now he realizes he hasn’t been asked because Kurt actually likes the curls.

The regiment continues - they finish breakfast, wash and dry the dishes together, and then Kurt makes them take another walk before the counsellor arrives.  Blaine is actually grateful that Kurt is making him go out.  He had forgotten what fresh air smelled like.  When it begins to rain towards the end of their walk, Kurt tries to rush back home, but Blaine stops in place and lets the water droplets bathe him.  It feels like being purified.

Kurt has to come back and curses about his clothing as he pulls Blaine back towards the house.  It’s then that Blaine has his first bit of real energy in days as he pulls back on Kurt’s hand and draws him into his arms.  He kisses Kurt intensely in the rain, letting it soak his clothing until Kurt finally relents and kisses him back.

Once they pull apart, Kurt shakes his head with a chuckle and then leads Blaine to the house.  Blaine lets him then.

They change, and Blaine helps Kurt towel off, worshipping his lithe, toned body as he pats the towel over it.  Kurt takes such good care of himself.

He’s only just got his clothing on when the doorbell rings.  Kurt goes to answer it and then calls Blaine to the living room.  

There is the counsellor.  Apparently she’s a specialist in sexual assault cases, or so she says.  Long brunette hair always pulled back in a tight ponytail and a suit.  She doesn’t smile much.  There isn’t a lot of emotion to her at all actually.

Blaine doesn’t hate her, but hates what she’s here for.  He doesn’t think he should have to talk to some stranger about what happened.  He can’t even talk to his family or friends about it after all.

One look at Kurt’s eager face though, patting the spot on the loveseat beside him, tells him that Blaine might actually have to speak today though.

He sits beside Kurt and let’s his gaze wander to the carpet, wondering about carpet fibres and how they might be made while Kurt updates the counsellor on how Blaine has been doing the past few days.  She notes and jots down notes, her eyes hanging on Blaine every now and then while he’s wondering about what carpet looks like under a microscope.

When he’s nudged by Kurt, he realizes he’s supposed to be paying attention and looks back up.  “What?”

“I was just asking if you’ve talked to Kurt at all about what happened.” She repeats.

Blaine shakes his head, and lets it look back to the floor.  How can he talk about that with Kurt?  Pure, perfectly imperfect Kurt.  He can’t even stand watching porn - how can Blaine expect him to want to listen to how his boyfriend was raped and taped?

“Blaine… if you’re not comfortable talking to me, you should talk to someone.  Kurt seems more than willing to be there for you to vent to.”

Blaine frowns at the carpet.  

“I really am…” Kurt adds, setting a gentle hand on Blaine’s back.

“No one wants to hear it and I don’t want to talk about it.” Blaine snaps then.  

He can feel Kurt’s hand flinch a little along his back, though it doesn’t pull away.  The counsellor tik-tik-tik’s her pen against the clipboard and then looks to Kurt, “May I speak with you alone?”

Kurt hesitates, and Blaine can feel his eyes on him.  “Blaine…?  I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

“No… it’s alright…” Blaine sighs and stands up.  “I’ll… go back to my room.”

Kurt offers him a weak smile and squeezes his hand.  “I’ll be there soon.  Take some cookies.”

Blaine can’t help but smile back because that happy face is so contagious.  That, and he really does love those cookies.

* * *

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing or suppose to do.” Kurt admits as soon as Blaine is gone.

The counsellor, Maria, nods to Kurt. “There isn’t an instructional manual for this.  It differs from person to person and situation to situation.”

Kurt groans and rubs his hands through his hair which is still wet.  He knew there wasn’t a manual, but secretly, he had been hoping.

“Can I say though that he is easily far more relaxed, open, and comfortable around you though?  You’re doing something right - even if it’s just being here.”

Kurt smirks a little - kind of a half smile.  He wants to believe he’s helping Blaine, but he can’t help but feel like he’s not doing him any justice.

“I… I kissed him and I’m sure I shouldn’t have and I’m worried that touch will be a sensitive issue for him now and I’ve pushed it and -”

“Kurt.” She interrupts his rambling and he presses his lips together to silence himself.

“Kurt…” She continues, “I did just say he’s looking a lot better, and I will attribute that to you.  Kissing him is not a bad thing.  It lets him know he’s still loved and wanted.  Oftentimes, people will struggle with feelings of worthlessness and a loss of self respect after these events.  Unless he pulled away when you kissed him, which I don’t think he did, I think it’s just fine.”

Kurt nods, feeling much more at ease and a lot less guilty. “What should I be doing then?”

She tips her head to the side a little, “What have you been doing with him?”

“Making him get up and eat… exercise… music… I finally made him play the piano and he sang… and then he cried…. I felt awful for doing it.”

She shakes her head.  “No.  Don’t.  That sounds excellent actually.  It forced him to address his feelings… if anything, get him to do it again.  It sounds like it might be therapeutic for him.”

“Really?” Kurt quirks up an eyebrow.

She nods, “Look.  There are no easy answers, as I said.  Keep doing what you’re doing though.  You’re clearly good for him.  It won’t happen overnight, but he will get better.”

Kurt escorts her out then and thanks her for the help.  Really she’s helped him more than Blaine, but it’s nice to be able to have someone to talk to who understands what his concerns are… and she said he will get better.  It gives Kurt the motivation he needs to continue.

He hurries up to the bedroom and finds Blaine tucked into the bed, encircled by cookie crumbs and can’t help but laugh at the sight.  At the very least he’s getting a taste of what being a father to a young boy might be like.

The sound of his laughter wakes Blaine up and Kurt goes to pull him out of the bed. “No naps.” he reaffirms and leads the groggy boy back to the music room.  No time like the present for therapy.

Blaine is sat back down in front of the piano and gives Kurt a questioningly look.  

“Play.” Kurt directs him, just like yesterday.

Blaine doesn’t argue, and his fingers find the keys a lot faster today.  Before long he’s again filling the room with his voice accompanied by the piano.  Kurt doesn’t know a lot of rock, but he recognizes this as the Foo Fighters’ song Home.  It’s sad, and yet somehow conveys love.

Instead of crying after that song, Blaine’s fingers tinker along the keys for a minute before starting another song: Just Give Me a Reason by Pink.  Kurt knows this one.  He’s loved Pink only because she reminds him of Blaine - in fact, Kurt listens to Katy Perry for much the same reason.  He sings along, for once singing the part of the male lead while Blaine sings Pink’s parts.  

When it’s done, they simultaneously smile at one another and Kurt sits on the bench beside Blaine, hugging him gently.  “It’ll be alright.”

Blaine leans against Kurt and murmurs, “Thank you.”

Kurt weaves his fingers into that wondrous curly hair and lets out a curious “Hmm?”

“You make me want to feel better.”

Kurt lets out a happy chuckle and kisses the top of Blaine’s head.  “Good.  Because I need you to feel better, whatever it takes.  You need to graduate so I can drag you out to New York with me and we can both play in the revival of Rent together.”

That gets a laugh out of Blaine and Kurt savours the sound.  He idly fingers the keys in front of them until Blaine finds some sort of inspiration and starts again - this time just playing a piece of Mozart that doesn’t require him to use his, currently, underused voice.

It’s not just music to his ears, but music to his heart as well.

“Do you really want to hear about how I feel?” Blaine asks him when the music stops.

Does he want to hear about what happened?  No.  God no.  Does he want to hear about how much Blaine is hurting?  No.  Definitely not.  Will he do anything to help Blaine through?  Absolutely.

“Yes.” Kurt says, keeping an arm firmly wrapped around Blaine’s waist.  Blaine, who is looking now at the piano key with undeserved intensity, speaks slowly and stiffly.

“I’m mad at myself for not figuring out something was wrong about the whole thing.  Guilty for being there at all because no matter what, it still feels like I was betraying you.  Humiliated by being on a list of rape victims.  Scared about going to court.  More scared about facing everyone since they know what happened.  Disgusted at myself for how used I am.  I feel unworthy of being here.. with you.. loving you…”

Kurt bites his lower lip as Blaine goes on and on, not enough to break the skin, but enough to stop himself from crying.  

“... and I told you I wouldn’t hurt myself when we were cutting carrots yesterday.. but if I had the knife even a day earlier… I might have.  I didn’t see any other way out of the pain but death and sleep.”

“God… Blaine…” Kurt finally says and holds him closer.

“But I won’t…. because you love me… and I won’t do anything that would make you hurt again.”

It almost feels like an ultimatum.  Don’t leave me or I’ll have nothing to live for.  Kurt doesn’t care though.  He has no intention of leaving him, especially now.

Kurt holds him tightly, and at first, Blaine doesn’t cry.  It does begin though, after a couple minutes.  Heavy, choked sobs until Kurt’s chest is again used as a receptacle for tears.  He rubs over Blaine’s back steadily, soothing him the only way he knows how, chanting that mantra of “It’ll be alright… It’ll be alright….” over and over.

* * *

 

Once he’s freed of all the tears, Blaine actually does believe that it might actually be alright.  Somehow, between the music, and Kurt, and admitting everything, he does actually feel better.  Like a weight has been lifted.  It’s not completely gone, but it’s not putting as much pressure on him anymore.

“Sorry about your shirt… I’ll take you shopping for another…” He says, seeing the wet imprint on one of Kurt’s, no doubt, height of fashion tops.

“Does that mean you’ll come out shopping?” Kurt asks in a tentative whisper, making Blaine chuckle.  It feels weird to laugh when it seems like everything was falling apart just a day ago, but he loves how much Kurt is clearly holding back right now.  He knows Kurt loves to shop and is probably giddy inside since Blaine suggested it.

“Yes… but not right this instant.” Blaine sniffles.  

“Of course.” Kurt replies, keeping Blaine securely in his hold.  It’s there that Blaine feels safest, and most happy.

He didn’t tell Kurt about the one other thing he was feeling.

“I… I also feel like I have hope.  Because you’re here and you love me.  I don’t want to… or mean to sound so clingy and pathetic, but I see a future with you and I need to be able to see a future right now… and if someone like you can love me, then maybe I’m not as pathetic as I feel…”

He gets another squeeze and can hear Kurt’s breath still in his chest.  He’s holding back from becoming upset too… because he wants to help Blaine.  Blaine is worth helping - at least to Kurt.  

“Blaine?”

He looks up at the beautiful brunette boy. “Yes?”

“Come what may… I will love you til’ the end of time.”

Blaine beams.  Actually beams.  There is more hope and love in that simple song lyric than Kurt might know, but with that, he believes what Kurt keeps saying.  It’ll be alright.

* * *

 

* * *

“.... On ten counts of sexual misconduct with a minor, thirteen counts of sexual assault, unlawful possession and use of…..” The judge went on and on, listing the crimes that Eli was accused of.  Blaine just wanted to know.  Just get to the end.

“Guilty.  Sentencing to be determined at…”

Relief.

Blaine turned to Kurt who was standing beside him and immediately was pulled into a hug.  It had been a tumultuous year, and they were still together.  They had to come out to Ohio from their apartment in New York for this, and despite how nervous Blaine was, Kurt kept telling him that it would be alright.  There was no way they could release Eli into the public again anytime soon with all those charges against him.  Blaine had been able to testify by close captioned TV so he wouldn’t have to miss classes, but they both wanted to be here for the verdict.

It was the right verdict.

They would come back in a month for the sentencing, but from what the group lawyer had said, it was likely that he would be away for at least ten years and even when and if he was released, he would be forever listed as a sex offender.

“Dinner?” Kurt suggests after they walk Eli out of the courtroom, and Blaine nods.  

They are met with family and friends for dinner.  Most of the old glee club is here to support Blaine and celebrate the putting away of a bad person.  It took awhile for Blaine to return to school still, even with Kurt’s support, but his friends sent work home which Kurt helped him with so he could still graduate on time.  When he did face his peers at graduation, they didn’t look at him with the displeasure and disgust he imagined, but were happy to see him.  

And life went on.  He got into NYADA, and initially they lived in the Bushwick apartment with Santana, her girlfriend, and Rachel until things quickly became too crowded and chaotic.  He used his trust fund then, insisting despite Kurt’s want to do things independently, to get them a small shoebox of an apartment.  Close enough to the girls to visit easily, but gave them the privacy he desperately wanted.

Because when your boyfriend is as gorgeous as Kurt, it’s impossible not to want to touch him all the time.

And when your boyfriend is as amazing as Kurt, it won’t be hard to get down in a minute and propose to him, in the view of all your family and friends.


End file.
